she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
