i may or may not be watching the land before time
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
