I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
