I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's just like the Real World with babies
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
