She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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