In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
