whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
