She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
