Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
