I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
