you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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