do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
