Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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