I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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