Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
