fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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