oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
