you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
