that's an acceptable place to lick
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
