Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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