so that wasnt chicken after all
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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