Are we in a gay sports bar?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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