At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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