I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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