Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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