gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
