I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
