ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
