I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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