you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
