He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
