I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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