I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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