I'm eating all of the evidence.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
