plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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