I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
