You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize