I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
