Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
