I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
