Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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