so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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