i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
