I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
