Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
