Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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