We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
