I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We got so high we made milksteak
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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