people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
