Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You're like the curious george of whores
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
