I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
