3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
