i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
