Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We are all done wearing pants today
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
