You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
