Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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