I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
