I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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