we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
