he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
