Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
