Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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