It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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