people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
