my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I faked an abortion last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
